Wednesday, March 07, 2007

PSA #1: Paris Should Not Drive

If you're not as sophisticated as me, you may not realize that this is a modern film made to appear vintage. I am not sure if the narrator truly believes in what he is saying.

I firmly believe that it is in the best interests of everyone for Paris Hilton to stop driving.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Is Tinkerbell Dead???

I am looking for confirmation that Tinkerbell, the original Paris Hilton arm candy (Chihuahua is not MY favorite flavor) is dead. First off here is an interesting list showing the life expectancy of dogs by breed:
Afghan Hound (12.0)
Airedale Terrier (11.2)
Basset Hound (12.8)
Beagle (13.3)
Bearded Collie (12.3)
Bedlington Terrier (14.3)
Bernese Mountain Dog (7.0)
Border Collie (13.0)
Border Terrier (13.8)
Boxer (10.4)
Bull Terrier (12.9)
Bulldog (6.7)
Bullmastiff (8.6)
Cairn Terrier (13.2)
Cavalier King Charles Spaniel (10.7)
Chihuahua (13.0)
Chow Chow (13.5)
Cocker Spaniel (12.5)
Corgi (11.3)
Dachshund (12.2)
Dalmatian (13.0)
Doberman Pinscher (9.8)
English Cocker Spaniel (11.8)
English Setter (11.2)
English Springer Spaniel (13.0)
English Toy Spaniel (10.1)
Flat-Coated Retriever (9.5)
German Shepherd (10.3)
German Shorthaired Pointer (12.3)
Golden Retriever (12.0)
Gordon Setter (11.3)
Great Dane (8.4)
Greyhound (13.2)
Irish Red and White Setter (12.9)
Irish Setter (11.8)
Irish Wolfhound (6.2)
Jack Russell Terrier (13.6)
Labrador Retriever (12.6)
Lurcher (12.6)
Miniature Dachshund (14.4)
Miniature Poodle (14.8)
Norfolk Terrier (10.0)
Old English Sheepdog (11.8)
Pekingese (13.3)
Random-bred / Mongrel (13.2)
Rhodesian Ridgeback (9.1)
Rottweiler (9.8)
Rough Collie (12.2)
Samoyed (11.0)
Scottish Deerhound (9.5)
Scottish Terrier (12.0)
Shetland Sheepdog (13.3)
Shih Tzu (13.4)
Staffordshire Bull Terrier (10.0)
Standard Poodle (12.0)
Tibetan Terrier (14.3)
Toy Poodle (14.4)
Viszla (12.5)
Weimaraner (10.0)
Welsh Springer Spaniel (11.5)
West Highland White Terrier (12.8)
Whippet (14.3)
Wire Fox Terrier (13.0)
Yorkshire Terrier (12.8)


I can't find confirmation of the rumor. Here is an old article about a handbag made to resemble a dead chihuahua.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Paris Continues to Exist Despite AP Ban

Looking at this blog, I noticed that I have conducted MANY experiments similar to the one week publication ban that the Associated Press did with Paris Hilton. I will probably do it again. It is an interesting coincidence that the ban was over just in time for a good story about her arrest for driving with a suspended license.

Paris does not need to drive. I have a tiny bit of sympathy for people who break the law by driving with a suspended license when it is to go to some Joe job so they can feed their kids and pay their rent. I have no sympathy for Paris.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Ivanka Trump is No Paris Hilton

If you can get the press to quote your comment about not being anything like Paris Hilton, um, I don't know how to finish this sentence.

Ivanka Trump can get a spot on talk shows because of her parentage. She does not seem very engaging or striking to me. I don't like her father. I don't know Paris' father.

Ivanka hates being compared to Paris Hilton.
"I think we are totally different individuals. If I were to go off the rails and become this party kid, I would not be able to afford my lifestyle. I've never had a sense of entitlement. I saw how hard my father worked for his money and it was always made very clear to me that things wouldn't just be given to me."

Since when are paid appearances at clubs and parties NOT work?

Monday, February 19, 2007

Judge Rules Against Parisexposed

Paris Hilton continues to get favorable results in court in her efforts to regain her privacy. I had previously published a rumor that Paris stood to profit personally from the website, but I think her continued legal battle to shut it down completely and permanently put those rumors in doubt. The circumstances surrounding the publication of the private and provocative materials are strange. Paris is supposed to have failed to pay the rent on a storage locker and had her personal belongings auctioned off.


Saturday, February 17, 2007

Paris Hilton Shaves Her Head

Of course Paris did NOT shave her head. The point that I was trying to make is that Paris is selfish and vain enough to be a functional drunken slut. I think her ex-best-friend-forever should go back to innocent and childish. And I also think a key difference between Britney and Paris is that Paris is not friends with the people she hires to look after her, and she tends not to fire them for trying to do their jobs either.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Will Paris be my Friend

Being a BFF of Paris is a short term appointment. I am not aiming for that, I just want to be one of her hundreds of thousands of MySpace friends.