A Judge Grants Restraining Order Against Paris Hilton

The great thing about this court proceeding is that it gave a very public platform to Brian Quintana's assertions that Paris is a really nasty piece of work.

His claims include incidents of pushing, death threats and racial slurs.

He claims that Paris Hilton accused him of encouraging Stavros to leave her and go back to Mary-Kate Olsen.

He says she has a problem with drugs and alcohol and that her seedy associates are cause for concern.

Oh, he still has a schmoozy picture of Paris and himself on his website.

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Paris Hilton

Brian Quintana

But Does This Paris Hilton 'Look-Alike' Have Her Talent ?

Oh, I guess looking like Paris Hilton IS Paris Hilton's only real talent. Before you correct me, guys, that other thing is not a talent.

Natalie Reid's 'talent' earns her up to $2,000 an appearance at corporate functions. As an added perk, she gets to go home at the end of the night and not be Paris Hilton.

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Paris Hilton

Kathy Hilton Wardrobe Functioning... Brain?...Not So Much

I don't know what to say about this. Why didn't someone tell her? These people pay employees to follow them around holding their jackets and purses, couldn't they have them double as a sober set of eyes?

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Nicky Hilton
Paris Hilton
Kathy Hilton

Paris Hilton And Mary-Kate Olsen Reportedly Friends Again

Life and Style Magazine is claiming that Paris Hilton and Mary-Kate Olsen talked through things while seated together at a Golden Globes party. Maybe Mary-Kate has an easier time making nice to Paris now that Miss Hilton is in legal trouble on two fronts and getting lots of bad tabloid press. It's called schadenfreude .

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Paris Hilton
Mary-Kate Olsen

Kelly Osbourne Disses Paris Hilton To Get Attention

Sources are quoting Kelly Osbourne and saying she's calling Paris Hilton a bad influence on young girls. Kelly has so many caveats in her little anecdote that she doesn't really say that much.

I'll say something, any young girl that chooses 24 year old amateur porn star/reality TV personality Paris Hilton as a role model needs to be sent to some kind of boot camp ASAP.

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Paris Hilton

The Real Reason Paris Won't Pose For Playboy

As the above picture indicates, Paris Hilton's nether regions are butt ugly. That is why she does not to nude photoshoots.

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Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton Podcast

Yes a fresh, hot very personal podcast from our favorite heiress. It's like a phone call except without the racial slurs and death threats. It's about all the fun partying at Sundance.

Paris Hilton

Brian Quintana Has Paris Hilton's Picture On His Website

Brian Quintana loves to have his picture taken with famous people, so much so that he hasn't taken a picture of himself with Paris Hilton off the top of his PHOTOS page on his website. Paris is one of the few people on the page who don't look vaguely uncomfortable when posing with Brian.

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Paris Hilton
Brian Quintana
Ben Stiller

Paris Hilton Refuses To Pose For Playboy

Paris Hilton claims to have refused an offer to appear in Playboy"

They've asked me a million times. Hef has been after me since I was 17, and I got offered a lot of money. I'll never do it. Why? Because I'M Paris Hilton."

1,000,000/(24-17)= 142857 times that Hugh Hefner asked Paris to pose naked. That's 55 times a day. Paris Hilton doesn't get naked quite that often.

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Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton's Lawyer Wants Psych Exam For Zeta Graff

Paris Hilton's attorneys say they want a psychiatrist to assess Zeta Graff, who is suing the heiress for allegedly planting "vicious lies" about her in the gossip pages.

Oh, and also it should be entered into court records that she is not cute at all.

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Paris Hilton
Zeta Graff

Paris Hilton Allegedly Urinates In A Taxi

Harden Jamison alleges that Paris Hilton was too drunk to notice she'd wet herself when he picked her and boyfriend Stavros Niarchos up after a party on Maui.

It looks like the cabbie is trying to cash in on the unfortunate event. I think the supposed offer oF $200 from Paris' people would have almost been fair compensation.

Expect to see a piss soaked towel on eBay later this week.

Luckily for Paris, the deniability is much higher with pee than it is with vomit.

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Paris Hilton
Reni Santoni

Paris Hilton Digs Herself In Deeper During Deposition

I'm not going to list the stupid things Paris Hilton said in her deposition for the suit that Zeta Graff is bringing against her, but here's something mean she said about Graff:

"She is old and should stay at home with her child, instead of being at night clubs with young people... She is not cute at all."

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Paris Hilton
Zeta Graff

Pais Hilton And Her Friends Diss People In Childish, Stupid Ways

Paris Hilton and her friends have come up with secret signals to help each other escape when they're trapped talking to less than desirable human beings.

It's a sophisticated combination of lying, running away and giggling.

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Paris Hilton

Britney's Future Ex-Husband Puts His Hairy Palms On Paris Hilton At A Casino

I'm not sure whether to use reportedly or allegedly for this bit of gossip. Kevin Federline was um.. supposedly man handling Paris Hilton at some party celebrating some online gambling thing that has his father-in-law's name attached to it.

In a possibly related story, Britney Spears is out in public not wearing a wedding ring. Maybe it's being resized after losing all that weight. Or maybe she's well on her way to losing 150 lbs of dead weight called Kevin.

And what about Paris? If I was Kevin, my alibi would be that my hand went there while I was helping to hold the drunk skank up off the floor.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline
Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton Has Drunken Fall

Paris Hilton collapsed on the pavement after a drunken night out with friends on Monday.

Paris is 24 years old. I'm not sure where rich fits into the equation, but in my social circle, 24 plus drunken ass divided by curb equals loser.

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Paris Hilton

Is Paris Hilton A Racist ?

I personally am not sure if Paris Hilton is a racist.

But she does occasionally get some bad press when she uses insulting labels for people that she thinks she is better than. Like in October 2004, when a tape surfaced, showing her using the N word behind the backs of two black gentleman with whom she'd just finished a polite business discussion.

Now, Brian Quintana has accused Hilton of using racial slurs against him, calling him a "lazy Mexican."

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Paris Hilton

Stavros Uses A Fake ID

Paris Hilton was none too happy when she and boyfriend, 19-year-old Stavros Niarchos, were turned away from sister Nicky's New Year's Eve celebration at Pure nightclub. The legal drinking age is 21.

Reports say Stavros flashed a fake ID to get into the party, but was turned away. Nicky and Paris reportedly stormed out of the club. So, if he is not a US citizen and he is carrying false identification, shouldn't he be in lots of really deep trouble?

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Paris Hilton

Were Paris And Stavros High When They Had The On Camera Car Accident?

Steve-O blurted out on Jimmy Kimmel live last week that prior to the accident he had met Hilton and Niarchos at a night club and provided them with nitrous-filled balloons. “I probably shouldn’t say that,” Steve-O said and added, “Whoops!”

So the police officers who stopped the two later that evening had no reason to be suspicious when Paris' breath smelled like a rubber balloon.

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Nitrous Oxide Is Bad, Mmmkay ?...

Paris Hilton

Brian Quitana Is Doing His Best To Make Us Believe That Paris Hilton Is Not A Nice Person.

Brian Quintana, an L.A. events promoter, reportedly played a recorded phone conversation to a newspaper in which a female he claims to be Hilton, screams obscenities and insists that Quintana is a pathetic loser.

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Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton Dislikes This Man, Can't You Tell?

Event promoter Brian Quintana, 37, is seeking a restraining order against Paris Hilton.

"I have received numerous calls (from Hilton) threatening my life," Quintana stated.

It's interesting that Brian Quintana still has this picture posted on his website.

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Paris Hilton